Down the rabbit hole we go... what fun times we will have!

I'm always hesitant to say “You don't know what it's like to feel like you think and see things differently from everyone else,” because on a larger scale, we all see things differently. Simply a combination of our genetic wiring and our personal social constructs provides a unique set up for how we interact with the world, and how and what we think. Granted, there are a lot of similarities and overlaps, but overall each person's lens is a different one.

Now, there are some “universal” (whether that means universal in our society/culture, or literally universal) experiences that we can empathize with because of similar experiences, thoughts, or basic human nature. Pain, for example. I resist the temptation to make pain into a contest (“You don't know how I feel because I've suffered so much more than you have”). While there ARE different levels of pain and the situations surrounding are broad and varied, when it comes down to it, we've all experienced some sort of pain, so at a basic level we can empathize with another living thing when it feels some sort of anguish.

Therefore, saying things like “You don't understand because you haven't been what I've been through,” is a waste of time in my opinion. Of course they haven't been what you've been through. If they had, that would imply that they are physically, mentally, emotionally and literally YOU, and I suggest we should move on to discuss why you're arguing with yourself like that. But! It's also a waste of time because you deny the frame of reference the other person has, simply because they are a human being, too. Most of us have experienced injustice, most of us have experienced love and loss, and to say “You don't understand” is really just a method of shutting down the conversation because you don't want to discuss it. If you honestly want to try and connect with another person, you must first find a common frame of reference you can use to move forward.

It's like math. Finding the common denominator. You're both numbers, you may be completely different, so you must find a common ground, even if that number is 1.

But I digress. I've been over this before. It's just that it still bugs me, and I have to start there before I go on to say “But, I do feel like I see things differently,” partly because I feel the need to lay down the foundation so I don't go off on these abstract tangents without mentioning that I AM taking these other things into consideration.

I have a feeling this could lead to a long, twenty page dissertation on my head, relationships, sex taboos (and taboos in general), and the social contract. But after a lengthy and passionate conversation with my mother this evening, I want to convey these things on a concrete form. Partly so I have access to them for further explorations of human nature and my own complicated brain. I have no illusions that most of my friends and family understand everything that I say; I am grateful to those who humor me and appreciate my twisted ramblings, and those who are able to understand are truly invaluable. Since I'm moving within a week, I don't know how much I'll be able to write, but I want to write a series of blogs on these matters. Life is so exciting and all of these discoveries further my excitement for the complex and abstract, and I must share these things. Otherwise I am certain I may explode from the impassioned giddiness I feel.

To give myself a somewhat organized breakdown, some topics I wish to pontificate on are:
The social contract of relationships and family
The sex taboo (obsession and queer perspectives)
My perception of reality and the “dating game”
The problem of civility and a continuation of social contracts